Learning II

Eric Kandel gave the final lecture in our neuroscience course on the topic of learning and memory. In the lecture he described some molecular mechanisms behind the development of long term potentiation.

Here is a very important slide from the lecture. This slide depicts the current leading thought behind how long-term potentiation takes place (LTP). I remember that one time from my childhood, I remember my first plane ride, or the kid who bullied me all thanks to long term potentiation. LTP makes me who I am today. It is responsible for my conscious recall of facts, places, names, etc... Explicit memory. 

Quickly, in the bottom left corner a depolarizing excitatory stimulus activates NMDA receptors. Post synaptic intracellular calcium levels rise, and calcium dependent kinases are activated leading to increased levels of cAMP. The residual calcium makes the neuron more excitable for the time being, but in a short while the unbound intracellular calcium is either pumped out or sequestered, this is short term memory. But how do the big events get registered, the ones I will never forget, first kiss, first football season, first day of high school, college, work etc? Its not too different... Back in the neuron lets say instead of having all that calcium sequestered, the calcium containing neuron is repeatedly stimulated. Now the levels of calcium become so high that the levels of cAMP become elevated. Next in line in this molecular mousetrap is that protein kinase A which finally has the strength to fully dissociate from its regulatory subunit and remain activated. PKA in turn activates MAPK pathway, and the both of them make their merry way into the nucleus. Inside the nucleus (from Latin, nux, kernel, nut or inner part), cAMP response element binding protein or CREB for short is altered by these newly entered enzymes. CREB1 increases transcription and CREB2 decreases transcription of certain genes. CREB2 is silenced, CREB1 is freed and the initiation new protein synthesis can now occur. What are these new "memory" proteins?  New receptors, neuroligins, neurexins, etc... essentially things that make the connection between the two neurons more substantial. 

So Dr. Kandel brought up the interesting point that with new protein synthesis, there are physical changes in the brain when LTP occurs. If for some reason I remembered his talk, his words would have affected my memory, or ultimately the structure of my brain. Yes, the physical structure of my brain is altered, however insignificant, my brain would have weaker or stronger connectivities. Life has taught me that certain instances where my brain has been restructured have been more significant than others if you catch my drift.

Its interesting to speculate on the ramifications of his point because I believe personality is a very subtle and sensitive biological phenomenon. To the extent that aspects of my personality are learned, I have the responsibility to guard and culture my brain's connections in a responsible fashion. Which brings up another interesting point that was made in lecture. Here's another slide:

The slide proposes a mechanism for behavior disorders. I can not tell you how relieved I am that there is a molecular mechanism (pysch needs it badly, talk for another day). In the top row, labeled A, we have schizophrenia. Many are hard at work developing the pathogenesis of this disorder, there is a dopamine, serotonin, glutamate, and now a gene regulation hypothesis. Probably multifactorial, its a way to explain the behavior associated with this disorder. But take in row B there is normal behavior contrasted with that of a behavior associated with PTSD. This would be the first look into a molecular explanation of how a negative behavior is learned, reinforcing on a molecular scale. I'm just spitballing here, but it could be a justification for CBT. 

After lecture I had some questions, I asked:

What about CREB2 -/-?

How do you believe memory and creativity or intelligence overlap?

Why is learning in the critical period (time when a child where everything is easy) different than learning as an adult?

Answers:

CREB2 knockouts display quicker learning but reach a ceiling in their capacity. I gathered that there are too many other moving parts to look for a silver bullet. 

Memory does not map intelligence or creativity very well. He cited an anecdote of an artist who could not add six and six, yet was capable of creating stimulating visual art. I'm beginning to understand that intelligence, and most importantly creativity, is probably some sort of meta-cognitive function. I can't understand how I remember my name, so I'll save explaining why Chopin choose C# minor for another day. 

Learning language, music, mathematics, basically anything, is far easier as a child because the synaptic connections are looser, more susceptible to influence. What a double edged sword! 

Is there a way back? My belief is that there is, it just hasn't been found. The more I listen and learn the more it becomes apparent that we need to increase our appetite for risk. What a pleasure it is to learn of others labors and discoveries, but it is also wonderful to suppose what a breakthrough in that field could do for humanity. Research into subtle phenomena that make us human are poorly represented in animal models. In the name of science we decerebrate cats, inject poison into the veins of primates, and quite literally play God with the genome of mice. All for good reason I'm sure, but are we so much removed? Responsible but experimental and exploratory research should take place on willing and consenting humans. Our understanding of biology will necessitate a greater confrontation of the certain unavoidable truth that we are as much animal as human.

There is no such thing as an overnight success, just a lot of behind the scenes most never saw. I was thinking about this as I walked out the door to class this morning. All the people I pass everyday from the building, security, maintenance etc... if they are savvy, they could easily know so much about a person just by the simple act of observation. They tend to be older so they have experience, they have been here much longer than the students, so they know the type. They see you when you get home on the weekends, or what time you get up in the morning. They see when you come and go, what hours you keep. They can hear your conversations and they know who you keep as friends, or who your dating. They know your study habits, and when you go home or on vacation, they can see if you pack a lot or a little. They could (if they had to) probably make accurate guesses as to your background and how you live, not that they care... Anyway, back to the original point, being that there are no overnight successes, a good life is built brick by brick, right act by right act. So I use these watchful eyes to motivate myself to conduct right act after right act. Thus when I come down to study in the morning, or come back on a weekend sober and walk past them, our eye contact is like a little checkpoint charlie; we both log in each other's memories the characteristics we associate with each other.

the staggering consequences of pride...

i was chatting earlier with some ladies in the nurse practitioner program here at the university... i had been aware for awhile that the np (nurse practioner) program gets you out the door and into the clinic in a third of the time with a little less than half of the debt, none of the liability and hooks you up with a union to boot. not too shabby. you take a small hit on your income, but if you are in it for money please get out because you are ruining the profession. so to all candidate md's interested in primary care on upto anesthesia, why why why do you want to be doctors? tell the truth - is it because of the md? those two letters come at a hefty cost. believe me, i'm stained thoroughly with this sin, i like the thought of being the final authority, of being an md, doing the sign off, stopping the buck etc... but truth be told, deep down in places i don't talk about, its power - i know myself and i know the world enough to know its true. will i actually be the only final authority? the answer is simply, no. even with my md i won't. because increasingly np's are taking over primary care and advancing on other specialties, e.g. - my physical to matriculate into med school was completed by an np.

it makes perfect sense why primary care residencies have dropped off precipitously and will continue to do so, who in their right mind would ever go into primary care with an md when you can do it with an np? four years med school plus three years residency plus a negative $200,000 versus 2.5 years of school no residency and 100K max tuition (fyi np students after attaining their nursing degree pay by credit, go ahead and ask a med student and see if they know that) the only thing that doesn't make sense is why anybody would be surprised by this.

i have observed:

1. first year med students get up later than anyone i have ever met, its atrocious. i see everybody in the house leave in the morning and at what time because i sit right by the front door to my dorm and study every morning starting at 6:30 a.m. where i meet the guard coming on shift and exchange pleasantries and wouldn't you know its the p.t. and nursing students who are normally out by 7:30? a small cadre of md students do the early run, but you can't convince me with the argument that we study late because i've been privy to one of these 1 am study sessions and it can be described by many words but definitely not efficient. plus everybody knows nmda and ampa upregulation (keys to long term potentiation) happens while sleeping - consolidate those memories (on a side note my seven and a half hours of sleep a night in tandem with my tenacious yet seasoned optimism is my proven method for devouring this curriculum)  

2. the cost of med school will easily surpass $200,000, easily. actually tuition alone is $195,000, can i get a troubled med student relief program? as ashamed as i am to admit this i'm almost happy that the government is spending like carter because it probably means carter era inflation, which will discount my exorbitant tuition retrospectively

3. everyone - by this i mean from dean down to fellow first year has indicated that the first year of med school is a wash and fourth year is a vacation - that is the truth, whether you want to hear it or not is up to you. med school should be 3 years and residents should get a raise by about 20%. how much would that cost? medicare pays the bulk of resident salaries - there are 2x10^5 residents in the US today, lets give everyone a 20K raise - total cost 4 billion - a miniscule fraction of the cost of the iraq war, tarp, obama stimulus, bush's stimulus (remember that one), and finally drum roll please... it would be roughly one one-thousandth of the total annual cost in health care in the US, remember health care spending is like 15% of gdp (13 trillion). yes, giving those tired overworked house officers and residents (that keep the hospital going too) across the country a flat 20K raise would be one one-thousandth of the annual spending. and do you know what i would do with it? pay back loans faster, its a joke, so don't worry i couldn't actually "use" it. unless of course we are in a carter ahem i mean obama hyper inflationary phase in which case i would use it to buy food.

4. gross curricular inadequacy (where is nutrition?, where is micro? parasitology? patho? not till second year, if it all, and only briefly, how do i master this in a three/four week block. why is it that n.p.'s do it first year? where is pharm? where is intro to the dealing with the business of pharm? why is there a summer break? we don't need it a summer break. life is to cozy.

5 pervasiveness haughtiness - i have had several conversations with fellow classmates who shall remain nameless that have indicated gross deficit in health economics awareness to the point where i wonder if basic accounting or health economics should be in the curriculum. 

6. the moral hazard of pass/fail system: before the md students here skewer me, i know many have fought and died to bring us this wonderful system, and i know it is the reason i am friends with my fellow classmates as opposed to foes - but the short truth is that its being abused. we all know the universal truth that you get what you pay for in life, and if something is given to you for free you will not respect it, with every right comes a responsibility yada yada, so i am witnessing academic slippage, "i can still pass with a 70", "do we have to know that?", "hey, i still passed" it goes on. the the nonclinical years of med school culminate in usmle step one -thus every nonclinical experience in the first two years should be geared towards that exam, here the tell us not to even worry about it until three months prior-  the slippery slope of the pass/fail system that was initally and mercifully designed to depressurize the hyper competitive type a neurotic, but the cost is apparent - we are losing respect for the material. most want to do well - and most are silent - but the ground beginning to shake.

recommendations

1. md's unionize, i don't care if its illegal - everybody knows justice is for sale in this country, so get the law passed somehow, everyone else in the healthcare sector with the exception of the hospital volunteer is unionized. there needs to be a consolidation in physician leadership and the ama is not cutting it.

2. med school needs to be three years only, the time wasted here in first year is unimaginable, the motivated, cost sensitive should not be punished for the maintenance of an archaic system. it saves money, and would expiditously advance our career.

3. med students wake up! we are losing ground on all fronts. our own self discipline is wanting. our rights are being impinged to greater and greater extent. 

4. residents get a raise and a thank you. i know old timer they didn't have it as bad as you, but guess what they have different problems in this age that are worse than anything you ever went up against - you hours may have been bad, you may have gotten screamed at on a daily basis by the attending - but you may never have practiced defensive medicine, paid outrageous malpractice, sued multiple times, worked for an hmo, were buried in paperwork, or buried in a quarter million dollar education debt. life today is harder because there are a lot more people, more drain on resources, less trust in the world (especially for md's), revolving door of daily appointments, cost of living increases outpacing wages for decades

but despite all that, i still think i got it so good, i love what i'm doing

haaha

Desiderata; Latin for desired things.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
the are vexing to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-Max Ehrmann ~1920

Slow slow calcium and other musings...

Recently in lecture we were covering synaptic transmission in the nervous system. Among the multitude of neurotransmitters that endlessly and constantly communicate within the living central nervous system, calcium stands out as the primary mechanism that initiates these turgid bundles of neurotransmitters to expel themselves into the synapse. What I found particularly interesting was that at one moment the professor remarked, "And here is where everything really slows down, calcium must be pumped into the presynaptic terminal where it binds to a calmodulin dependent kinase which leads to a phosphorylation cascade... ultimately on the order of a few milliseconds."
A few milliseconds, slow? This guy must be rough on customer service agents. But then I thought in a relative manner, really if that is slow then what is small? Well I thought if you can't see it, then something is small. What is the smallest thing a human eye can see? I looked it up, I learned something. The way in which the "smallest thing" that can be seen by the human eye gets measured is through a technique of two point discrimination. Two points are placed near each other and when they become close enough such that you can no longer discriminate the two, there you have it, the limits of you perception (more on my limits later). But what is interesting is that the smallest distance (you would think) a human eye can see is not a distance, but a measure of angle. Nifty, two dots a meter apart are easily discriminated at one meter, but not so at 10 kilometers, so the limits of perception are given as an angle, in this case... drum roll please... roughly one arc minute, or one 60th of a degree. What this means is that lets say you are one meter away from a piece of paper, you theoretically could discriminate two points separated by 300 microns (check my math please), or 0.3mm. So that distance, for lack of a better term, is small. Right, right, so bacteria range in that size. Second, isn't interesting that there are ten times the number of bacteria on my skin right now than cells in my body! (not just dirty old me, everybody) Ten times all my cells, true story. So there is "lot" going on of which I'm blissfully unaware. In fact a "lot", is like the professor's use of "slow", there is a microcosmos of activity festering away now on a nanoscale that is too "small" for me to perceive. But it affects us, anyone who has ever had a bacterial infection will confirm that. Think how outlandish, how preposterous, how ignoble germ theory must have been when it was originally conceived, yet how right.
Back to slow. What are the limits of my temporal perception. What is the smallest unit of time between which I can discriminate? I have no idea, I want to say that it is well above a microsecond, and even then I'm being generous, its probably a few milliseconds after five pots of coffee. In a blink of an eye...? yep thats 50 milliseconds. Theoretically, the smallest unit of time in the universe is a Planck unit, the time it takes light to travel one Planck length, brought to us by our beloved master physicist Max Planck whose instructor once dutifully advised the young Max, "don't go into physics because almost everything is already discovered" (man if we only had teachers like this today!! sheesh). Yes this phenomenally small unit of time is roughly 10^-44 seconds. OK do you understand thats like 10^23 zeptoseconds (yes thats a real prefix), a whole mole of zepto seconds!!! Before you stop laughing consider that one Planck unit is also 10^20 yoctoseconds!!! Stop laughing, its ridiculous but true, there is both such a thing as yoctoseconds and God only knows what is happening in the universe from yoctosecond to yoctosecond. Physicists get all hot and bothered when they measure the half-life decay of the helium-9 outer neutron in the second halo to be 7 zeptoseconds, and even then in the blink of eye this decay could have happened 10^18 times, in the blink of an eye. And even then, its not like we can record every yoctosecond for ten minutes and then look back and see what happened, no we can be philisophically aware that a yoctosecond occurred, thats it, but time on that scale has no meaning to us practically, so does that mean its not relevant? There are serious limits to the perception of time imposed by our central nervous system, such that just as absurd as germ theory may have been, what is going on between the milliseconds? What life, energy, or force is happening and on what scale in the between time? To some form of life that exists for only an attosecond (10^-18 seconds), calcium uptake into a presynaptic terminal for one single synaptic transmission would seem like a galactic event, it would seem like billions of years to us residents of a Planckian attosecond universe.
There is so much going on in this world, so much to think about, so much creativity, so many ideas, but only so many yoctoseconds. No matter what your relationship to time, you have got to spend it wisely, get up and be active, think, respond, love and live, because dude if you're LUCKY, you're gonna get eighty years. And thats only like 10^30 zeptoseconds.

A must read

Take five minutes and please read. Howard describes the problem of law in today's society, he nails it.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123293018734014067.html

NZ Highlights

Aw man, these are good. Enjoy!

Integrity integrity integrity

Merriam Webster defines integrity as a firm adherence to a code of moral or artistic values. Yet there are also secondary and tertiary definitions: an unimpaired condition and the quality or state of being undivided, respectively. Integrity is a word that comes from the Latin integritas, meaning entire or whole. I find it interesting that the lesser (second and third) definitions are closer to its original meaning. Consider the degree to which the current parlance has departed from its origins. 

So I ask myself, how is it that the definition of the word integrity has changed? It could be that integrity has taken on its modern connotation because when we describe something, we mght have confused cause and effect. Follow me here, if I am a person who is whole, or unimpaired with respect to my thoughts and actions, the degree to which I function effectively in this world is augmented greatly with respect to others who are confused or divided.  I have witnessed this myself in people, its what I emulate in people. When you meet them it is apparent that they are solid, or concentrated (see below for explanation). So this type of person gets noticed and possibly described by others. Maybe at some point in the effort to be original, another person notices the solid state of this character and uses the word integrity. It takes hold, and the person's positive attributes are mistaken for his/her solid state of being. But whatever the case, at the root of behavior perceived as positive or moral, is wholeness, or soundness. And I argue that whatever you are going to do in this world, be it good or bad (hopefully good), if you want to be effective you have to do it with integrity.

Consider the opposite for just a moment. Not whole, a fraction, subdivided, or divided, or separate.

A state of division takes many forms.

 Is my concentration divided? Am I in two or more places at once? Am I delving into the past for any other purpose than information gathering or guided reflection? Am I escaping into a future that will always remain fantasy when instead I should be here in the eternal present, unbroken, undivided, integral, or whole?

Am I serving two masters? Or more succintly, are my motivations conflicted? Is there discord? Is there destructive interference between the waves that I'm riding in this life? Where am I out of sync? Where is the waste? Do I have a firm grasp on the reasons for my actions? Do I understand myself, do I have insight? What is guiding me? What am I denying?

Plagued by negative self-talk? "I can't... They probably won't... She wouldn't... It will never... I don't see..." You are divided. Are you really, really sure that, "it will never work"? Hmmmm. Interesting, forgive me I didn't see the data on these conclusions, but I can only assume that since leagues of scientists spend decades chained to a bench meticulously repeating the most mundane procedures ad nauseum to merely support the most modest of conclusions that you must have completed a rigorous investigation when verifying those words escaping your lips. I look forward to reading your paper in the Journal of You have no idea what is going to happen, but until then, error on the side of a slightly positive bent. No one has all the facts.

But... a state of integrity, of any duration, is one of wholeness.

What is the purpose of existing with integrity? When I act with integrity, whether rightly or wrongly (according to my understanding of right and wrong), that state of wholeness awards me concentration. And what is concentration? It is a comparison, it is simply a ratio. It is a measure of order, it less likely for a state to be concentrated than not concentrated, chemistry reveals this fundamental idea. In every use of this word, concentration is ratio: mass over volume. What are these properties? In life I think, mass is the energy that you bring to bear on any moment in time, it is the sum of your particular existence, even if it is not entirely clear. Volume? Volume is a measure of space, it represents the size of your focal point, the size of your attention. Concentrate on this chapter... My! this gatorade is concentrated. That music is wrecking my concentration!! All are statements that use a comparison to describe the wholeness of a state. If my actions in the moment are concentrated, undivided, unified then I am a person of integrity. Chances are people will attribute positive characteristics to you, or think you a good person, honest etc... that is a debate for another day. But what will not be disputed will be your effectiveness. 

Integrity integrity integrity! Do everything with integrity. Then you will be an individual of concentration. You will be an individual of higher energy. Why be this way? Existing with integrity is beautiful, it is less likely, more ordered, and uncommon. The effect of existing with integrity in the practical sense of today's world is that you end up helping others.

47 minutes to kill?

This video, Money as Debt, by Paul Grignon outlines a central idea that debt creation as a means of modern banking is fundamentally harmful because it is in substance a subtle transfer of wealth vis a vis interest. Please watch it and decide for yourself whether any aspect of Grignon's case holds water. Regardless of where you fall politically with respect to monetary policy, as with any other major institution, technology, social convention, or way of life, we have the duty to consider its existence, efficacy and possibly even its obsolescence.

I would like to highlight my understanding of a few ideas I found thought provoking.

Grignon points out that money once commonly thought of as value or asset is today a measure of debt because modern lending recognizes an individual's "promise to repay" as a fungible form of currency. This fundamental switch came as a result of government mandate, presumably because the borrowing and lending by large banks turned the wheels of the economy. Repackaging a "promise to repay" or debt as value or currency allows the money supply to be greatly expanded past the actual total "value" of goods and services in a given economy.


Constant rates of growth, I hear this all the time on the financial reports... durable goods grew by x%, consumer price index up by y%, GDP up Z%. A constant rate of growth as it is commonly defined, increase by a fixed percentage (say 3.5%), is in fact not linear but exponential.
Year One $1.00 x 3.5% growth = $1.035
Actual growth = $0.035
Year Two $1.35 x 3.5% growth = $1.071
Actual growth = $0.036
Year Three $1.071 x 3.5% growth = $1.11
Actual growth = $0.038
Year Four $1.11 x 3.5% growth = $1.15
Actual growth = $0.040

The delta accelerates, it is non-linear, and over time it is impossible to maintain. Realistically the growth rates are not constant, so this is less a factor in a practical sense. However, constant rate of growth, is something I hear my buddies say all the time when they analyze the financials of a compnay, and it is very much in the conversation as an ideal to strive for.


Grignon rightly notes that the purpose of money is to facilitate exchange yet asks an interesting philosophical question; what is the justification for charging interest on borrowed money? Why is there such a thing as interest? If money exists solely for the purpose of making it easier to trade a chicken for a television, charging interest is not relevant to attaining that end. The justification of interest stems from the risk involved in lending - a borrower may not pay back his debt, therefore one either recoups an eventual loss from other borrowers in the form of interest payments, or one charges the borrower a risk of default premium in the form of interest on the debt in lieu of physical possession of some form of collateral. This is a logical argument for a profit seeking entity. However Grignon posits that the borrowing and lending that stimulates the economy should be overseen by the government and not private profit seeking institutions. Since it is the government that owns the mints, it should be solely the government that decides the proper amount of money needed to have a functioning economy. Government sponsored "banking" would either eliminate the need for interest wholly or redistribute the profits from interest on outstanding loans to the citizens in the form of a dividend. Interesting.
Consider the recent bailout, where the treasury department borrowed the future tax receipts of its citizens to pay the current liabilities of the for-profit banks that had made faulty loans to those same citizens today. Do you understand what this means in simplest terms? The banks have said "You cannot pay your mortgage anymore. Well, we are surely not going to go out of business because you failed to pay. We will threaten the politicians with fear tactics, then they will give us the future tax receipts of your children today so that we can settle our account, all the while we still transfer our interest to the backs of your children. Essentially transferring the obligation to the next generation."

Why wouldn't the government just pay the mortgages themselves? Even though it would be a more direct and less costly solution, it would also be perceived widely as socialist and an anathema to capitalism RA-RA USA! The banks know this and exploit it. They should have died. If you made crappy furniture, you will go out of business. If you make crappy lending decisions you should be out of money. It was a con job.

Grignon points out that non-profit banking is a way around this problem. Because the banks are in this business to make money, eliminating profits from borrowing and lending would eliminate the necessity of private banking. A far more efficient method of regulating trade, yet a threat to the existence of bankers.

Another reform movement stresses return to a sound money. This means making the dollar redeemable for something of fixed value, most popularly precious metals. However, the banks argue that this would tightly constrain borrowing and lending by sharply decreasing the money supply or it would create sudden wealth for those with gold and poverty for those without.

I personally, because of my fondness for physics and chemistry, would like to see our currency linked to Gibbs free energy. For example, how many Joules did it take to make this air compressor? How much heat or enthalpy, in an absolute chemical sense, is responsible for a loaf of bread? Ultimately, this is the value of matter, its heat of formation. Therefore, the truest way to represent the power to buy and sell goods is to link it directly to the energy required to bring it into physical existence. Is this not how the trillions of trillions of living cells trade everyday? Look at the majestic economy in even the smallest, loneliest, most nonessential cell. Does the mitochondrion charge interest to the nucleus for ATP?! Absurd! No interest. Only balance, beauty, function, and growth. The cell understands the interrelatedness of its components, the necessity of harmony for function, and that balance means existence. Bankers value the hoarding of money and getting something for nothing. The cell has no banker, and demands no interest on glucose. Ah, but wait, isn't there loss of heat over time? Isn't it true that no chemical reaction has ever occurred with balanced free energy between products and reactants? There is a payment made for every chemical transaction. There is such a thing as cosmic interest. There is entropy, the cosmic banker. True, but I have no problem paying the universe for being my home, existence is worth it.

Yes - I'm having my own dance party and this is how it starts...

and then i request



and one more before i stop to get water and booze for everyone...



ok - real quick one more



ok time for a little agua

If this works we're in business baby!

A few of my favorite quotes

Trust no future, however pleasant. Let the dead past bury the dead. Act now in the living present, heart within, God overhead.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.
-Goethe

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.
-Kleiser

A lazy boy and a warm bed are a difficult thing to part.
-Danish proverb

Vows made in storms are often forgotten in calms.
-Latin Proverb

Keep you fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.
-Robert Louis Stevenson

From listening comes wisdom, and from speaking comes repentance.
-Italian proverb

He who takes the child by the hand takes the mother by the heart.
- German proverb

Our greatest glory lies not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Thomas Edison

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.
-Albert Einstein

When a proud man hears another praised, he feels himself injured
-English proverb

He who falls in love with himself has no rivals
-Benjamin Disraeli

Its easy enough to be pleasant
When everything goes like a song
But the man worthwhile
Is the man who can smile
When everything goes dead wrong

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.
-2 Tim 4:7

Listen up muchachos

Press play and read please...




Sit down right there and let me tell you a thing or two:
Beethoven’s ninth symphony is the best piece of music ever written. No exceptions, no argument, no ifs ands or buts. It is the divine melody, it is the rhythm of the cosmos, it captures the majestic beauty of existence, it was handed down to a deaf man by the grace and infinite wisdom of God. And do you know what? Our ears are inadequate to truly "understand" it, for just as a cube drawn on a napkin is distorted from its form being merely a representation in two dimensions, so is the Ninth a crude representation barely accessible by the limited perception and conduction of our sad primitive nervous system. Ha! Listening to the ninth is a communication with the higher love. Do not tolerate any other answer from anyone. To change one note, to alter the pace, to hesitate, even in the slightest would scramble the message. It is perfection.
And another thing, bankers are the fancier thieves and scoundrels, I despise them. I don’t care what anyone says it doesn’t matter, yes they provide liquidity etc etc… But you know what, you can still provide liquidity and shop at Payless, but you won’t ever see it. Why??? Because they are in it for the MONEY. They are corrupt. They have no love, no substance, and are the parasites of society. True story.
You don’t have as much time as you think – so get up and do whatever you have to do right now. Push it a little farther, work harder, get up earlier, you’re still going to get to bed tonight -don’t worry, and you’ll probably sleep better for it. Always be looking for more ways to cram productive activity into the day. Stop waiting – its not going to happen without your hand – so get up and do it now -even if it is just the smallest start. You will know when you are tired, it will feel great, then you can rest and that will feel great.
Family is the most important – more important than career, fame, money, and yourself. You will never experience the happiness, security, and fulfillment of a family anywhere else in life. I am blessed to have experienced this firsthand – and I thank God for it. I have the responsibility to convey the love of my family outward like a little positive charge bleeping in the vast darkness of the universe. If you have had a mother or father active in your life, thank them the next chance you get.
To whom much is given, much will be expected. You were probably given a lot. Get cracking. Don’t be lazy. Give me dumb, slow, nasty, dopey, I’ll work with them all. Just don’t give me lazy. Lazy gets sent home. Lazy goes hungry.
Don’t be proud – pride just gets in the way. It stops you when you should be in motion– and causes improper actions when you should be still. Don’t look in the mirror too often, especially if you’re a man, Don’t worry about clothes, especially if you’re a man. If you’re secure with yourself it won’t matter if you wear an Armani suit or a barrel and straps. People respect you, not your clothes.
Don’t be a sucker – many, many, many people are out to take advantage of you. The trick is determining who needs actual help and who is out just to get their next mark. You have no responsibility to be another’s mark. Making a decision? The golden rule is all you need. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Act with this in mind and you will always have a clean conscience even if you’re wrong. I’m not saying the trip will be hassle free, I’m just saying that you’ll be on the right side.
I learned this one in the academy, don’t ever let anyone take anything out of your hands. No matter who, your boss, his boss, anyone, if they try and take a tool, a pencil, whatever, stop and say, “What do you need?” And be sure to make eye contact.
Always make eye contact. Don’t eyeball people, just make sure you’re focused on the eyes, nine times out of ten, it will tell you everything you need to know. And smile; when appropriate, which almost always.
Your life is going to be what you make of it. If you are a person who is happy and resilient, you will probably be this way through good times and bad. If you are pessimistic or downtrodden, you will probably find something wrong with a winning lottery ticket. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide the proper psychological frame in which to conduct your life, so why not choose to find the love, humor, and wonder in life? Yes, deal with the crap-ola, and bad stuff, we all have to, but focus in on the humor, love, motivating, animating aspects of life. I’ve felt the spirit, it is the most beautiful experience – it is a vital fever.

These things comprise a good day... a good day is composed of these

1. Its Saturday, although that matters less and less now that my "work week" consists of learning. I never knew I would have it so good.

2. Up early (relatively) for a Saturday - 6:55- which means I got the whole day in front of  me. 

3. My legs and are sore from the previous day's basketball - this means:

          a. I expended myself.

          b. I get to do the morning stretch leg kick thing in bed that one of life's treats.

          c. I have working legs, more valuable than anything except hands, vision, brain. 

4. Coffee and fruit in the morning watching the traffic on the GW bridge back up, comfortably stowed in my tiny room. (the room is clean - this makes the confinement enjoyable instead of lamentable).

5.  I get to go to a conference on a scientific topic that fascinates me and challenges/expands my understanding. My brain is engaged in focused concentration for several hours. The talks are on memory. I try to remember everything. 

6. The sun is shining brightly - I walk around the fancy fifth avenue shops getting gift ideas for family and people watching. The streets are filled with thousands of people.

6 1/2. I move freely and easily about the hustle and bustle, I have no impediments. It dawns on me that I don't need/want any of this crap thats for sale. I feel light physically. I wish others could feel this way. I know that me and the sales clerk at Louis Vuitton would disagree about a lot of things. I thank God I'm not in retail.

7. Further, it dawns on me that I already have what I want/need - my health and the ability to pursue my understanding of the world/universe. I wonder for a brief second how long my health will hold up and give thanks.

8. Then I realize that it doesn't matter how long it will hold, because all I can do is live my life while I am still able - and as long as this truth is not abused to justify reckless behavior, I can safely remain in the mystery.

9. I note a paradox. I'm completely happy, even though I abandoned the quest years ago. I consider these two scenarios: 1. As a younger man, I remember always being unsatisfied with everything, and always looking to the future. Critical in the bad way, controlling in the bad way, impatient in the bad way. I would always think when this or that finally happened - THEN I WILL AUTOMATICALLY BECOME HAPPY AS A RESULT OF SUCH AND SUCH ACHIEVEMENT. I viewed it as cause and effect. When I have money/prestige/"the girl" etc. it would just happen. I never bothered to ask why these things would make me happy, because I was a follower. 

At some point, I realized that ALL (every last one) of the people I looked up to/followed had no better idea than me about the truth of life/happiness. They just knew what worked for them better than I knew what worked for me. 

Scenario 2 - After finally realizing that nothing I was doing was working - I had to finally admit that I had no idea what I was doing in my life. It dawned on me when I was 26 that I am older now and that while talk of the future is an acceptable practice for a wide-eyed 18 year old, now I either am or am not. And more to the point, as I age, talk about doing this or that in the future only makes me look like a fool. Whoops what did I just say? It was too late I couldn't take it back, that's exactly what I was all those years walking around this spinning ball of electron probability waves and protons existing among the infinite darkness, a little fool. The only remaining step was determining if I had the humility to admit that. 

And then I understood my ego had been weighing me down the whole time.

Everyday I give thanks and ask for guidance. For me, understanding beats happiness ten times out of ten, a hundred times out of hundred. 

Time moves along, what am I doing this moment? Because that is my life. I ask for discipline and concentration to be in the moment - here . The final step was to figure out what to spend the moment on - selling designer shoes? Insurance? Law? Trading futures? Having fun? Farming? Attempting understanding and passing it on to another? Yep thats the one that works best for me. I don't have to say I'm going to do this or that because I am doing this and that. Next conversation.

10. Contemplating the vastness of space time and vowing to read more Carl Sagan. 

 

Candy wrappers

I was on the subway one day recently. A young kid, could not have been older then 13 sat across from me diagonally by six or so seats. It was just me and him on this car. I watched him throw the wrapper of his candy bar right on the floor of the car. Should I or shouldn't I say something? What would you do?

Option one: "Hey son, don't you know that littering harms us all? Our civic duty is to respect the common municipal property. So please do your part and dispose of your garbage in the proper receptacle!" in my best Wally Cleaver. What is the probability that the kid picks it up and contritely promises to do better next time? What is the probability that he tells me to go BLEEP myself? Would you be humble enough to be corrected by a stranger even when you know you're wrong? Not bloody likely. 

Don't worry - I'm aware that the Metropolitan Transit Authority does not need yet another superhero/psychopath trolling the subways and buses, accosting passengers about candy wrappers and spilled coffee.

Option two: Look the other way. Its not my problem. What a shame... etc. (this is what I did)

*Option three - Darn! I thought of this one later that night, too late, but I'll know next time. I would have gotten up walked over to the wrapper - bent over and picked it up - saying nothing - but making eye contact that says, "I'm picking up your garbage because you won't, and you know its wrong, so everytime you do it from now on, at least you will be aware of the fact that you are acting wrongly." And for extra credit, "Every time you throw your snickers wrapper on the floor someone has to pick it up, which is however infinitesimally small still both a needlessly added responsibility to another and  a waste of public resources." Yes, one look can communicate that to another. Provided they are "listening". 

Its just a candy wrapper! Relax!

I'm not getting self righteous in this case because I don't litter, and I'm not judging the kid, only the action.