Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
the are vexing to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
-Max Ehrmann ~1920
2.04.2009
Slow slow calcium and other musings...
Recently in lecture we were covering synaptic transmission in the nervous system. Among the multitude of neurotransmitters that endlessly and constantly communicate within the living central nervous system, calcium stands out as the primary mechanism that initiates these turgid bundles of neurotransmitters to expel themselves into the synapse. What I found particularly interesting was that at one moment the professor remarked, "And here is where everything really slows down, calcium must be pumped into the presynaptic terminal where it binds to a calmodulin dependent kinase which leads to a phosphorylation cascade... ultimately on the order of a few milliseconds."
A few milliseconds, slow? This guy must be rough on customer service agents. But then I thought in a relative manner, really if that is slow then what is small? Well I thought if you can't see it, then something is small. What is the smallest thing a human eye can see? I looked it up, I learned something. The way in which the "smallest thing" that can be seen by the human eye gets measured is through a technique of two point discrimination. Two points are placed near each other and when they become close enough such that you can no longer discriminate the two, there you have it, the limits of you perception (more on my limits later). But what is interesting is that the smallest distance (you would think) a human eye can see is not a distance, but a measure of angle. Nifty, two dots a meter apart are easily discriminated at one meter, but not so at 10 kilometers, so the limits of perception are given as an angle, in this case... drum roll please... roughly one arc minute, or one 60th of a degree. What this means is that lets say you are one meter away from a piece of paper, you theoretically could discriminate two points separated by 300 microns (check my math please), or 0.3mm. So that distance, for lack of a better term, is small. Right, right, so bacteria range in that size. Second, isn't interesting that there are ten times the number of bacteria on my skin right now than cells in my body! (not just dirty old me, everybody) Ten times all my cells, true story. So there is "lot" going on of which I'm blissfully unaware. In fact a "lot", is like the professor's use of "slow", there is a microcosmos of activity festering away now on a nanoscale that is too "small" for me to perceive. But it affects us, anyone who has ever had a bacterial infection will confirm that. Think how outlandish, how preposterous, how ignoble germ theory must have been when it was originally conceived, yet how right.
Back to slow. What are the limits of my temporal perception. What is the smallest unit of time between which I can discriminate? I have no idea, I want to say that it is well above a microsecond, and even then I'm being generous, its probably a few milliseconds after five pots of coffee. In a blink of an eye...? yep thats 50 milliseconds. Theoretically, the smallest unit of time in the universe is a Planck unit, the time it takes light to travel one Planck length, brought to us by our beloved master physicist Max Planck whose instructor once dutifully advised the young Max, "don't go into physics because almost everything is already discovered" (man if we only had teachers like this today!! sheesh). Yes this phenomenally small unit of time is roughly 10^-44 seconds. OK do you understand thats like 10^23 zeptoseconds (yes thats a real prefix), a whole mole of zepto seconds!!! Before you stop laughing consider that one Planck unit is also 10^20 yoctoseconds!!! Stop laughing, its ridiculous but true, there is both such a thing as yoctoseconds and God only knows what is happening in the universe from yoctosecond to yoctosecond. Physicists get all hot and bothered when they measure the half-life decay of the helium-9 outer neutron in the second halo to be 7 zeptoseconds, and even then in the blink of eye this decay could have happened 10^18 times, in the blink of an eye. And even then, its not like we can record every yoctosecond for ten minutes and then look back and see what happened, no we can be philisophically aware that a yoctosecond occurred, thats it, but time on that scale has no meaning to us practically, so does that mean its not relevant? There are serious limits to the perception of time imposed by our central nervous system, such that just as absurd as germ theory may have been, what is going on between the milliseconds? What life, energy, or force is happening and on what scale in the between time? To some form of life that exists for only an attosecond (10^-18 seconds), calcium uptake into a presynaptic terminal for one single synaptic transmission would seem like a galactic event, it would seem like billions of years to us residents of a Planckian attosecond universe.
There is so much going on in this world, so much to think about, so much creativity, so many ideas, but only so many yoctoseconds. No matter what your relationship to time, you have got to spend it wisely, get up and be active, think, respond, love and live, because dude if you're LUCKY, you're gonna get eighty years. And thats only like 10^30 zeptoseconds.
A few milliseconds, slow? This guy must be rough on customer service agents. But then I thought in a relative manner, really if that is slow then what is small? Well I thought if you can't see it, then something is small. What is the smallest thing a human eye can see? I looked it up, I learned something. The way in which the "smallest thing" that can be seen by the human eye gets measured is through a technique of two point discrimination. Two points are placed near each other and when they become close enough such that you can no longer discriminate the two, there you have it, the limits of you perception (more on my limits later). But what is interesting is that the smallest distance (you would think) a human eye can see is not a distance, but a measure of angle. Nifty, two dots a meter apart are easily discriminated at one meter, but not so at 10 kilometers, so the limits of perception are given as an angle, in this case... drum roll please... roughly one arc minute, or one 60th of a degree. What this means is that lets say you are one meter away from a piece of paper, you theoretically could discriminate two points separated by 300 microns (check my math please), or 0.3mm. So that distance, for lack of a better term, is small. Right, right, so bacteria range in that size. Second, isn't interesting that there are ten times the number of bacteria on my skin right now than cells in my body! (not just dirty old me, everybody) Ten times all my cells, true story. So there is "lot" going on of which I'm blissfully unaware. In fact a "lot", is like the professor's use of "slow", there is a microcosmos of activity festering away now on a nanoscale that is too "small" for me to perceive. But it affects us, anyone who has ever had a bacterial infection will confirm that. Think how outlandish, how preposterous, how ignoble germ theory must have been when it was originally conceived, yet how right.
Back to slow. What are the limits of my temporal perception. What is the smallest unit of time between which I can discriminate? I have no idea, I want to say that it is well above a microsecond, and even then I'm being generous, its probably a few milliseconds after five pots of coffee. In a blink of an eye...? yep thats 50 milliseconds. Theoretically, the smallest unit of time in the universe is a Planck unit, the time it takes light to travel one Planck length, brought to us by our beloved master physicist Max Planck whose instructor once dutifully advised the young Max, "don't go into physics because almost everything is already discovered" (man if we only had teachers like this today!! sheesh). Yes this phenomenally small unit of time is roughly 10^-44 seconds. OK do you understand thats like 10^23 zeptoseconds (yes thats a real prefix), a whole mole of zepto seconds!!! Before you stop laughing consider that one Planck unit is also 10^20 yoctoseconds!!! Stop laughing, its ridiculous but true, there is both such a thing as yoctoseconds and God only knows what is happening in the universe from yoctosecond to yoctosecond. Physicists get all hot and bothered when they measure the half-life decay of the helium-9 outer neutron in the second halo to be 7 zeptoseconds, and even then in the blink of eye this decay could have happened 10^18 times, in the blink of an eye. And even then, its not like we can record every yoctosecond for ten minutes and then look back and see what happened, no we can be philisophically aware that a yoctosecond occurred, thats it, but time on that scale has no meaning to us practically, so does that mean its not relevant? There are serious limits to the perception of time imposed by our central nervous system, such that just as absurd as germ theory may have been, what is going on between the milliseconds? What life, energy, or force is happening and on what scale in the between time? To some form of life that exists for only an attosecond (10^-18 seconds), calcium uptake into a presynaptic terminal for one single synaptic transmission would seem like a galactic event, it would seem like billions of years to us residents of a Planckian attosecond universe.
There is so much going on in this world, so much to think about, so much creativity, so many ideas, but only so many yoctoseconds. No matter what your relationship to time, you have got to spend it wisely, get up and be active, think, respond, love and live, because dude if you're LUCKY, you're gonna get eighty years. And thats only like 10^30 zeptoseconds.
1.26.2009
A must read
Take five minutes and please read. Howard describes the problem of law in today's society, he nails it.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123293018734014067.html
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123293018734014067.html
1.19.2009
Integrity integrity integrity
Merriam Webster defines integrity as a firm adherence to a code of moral or artistic values. Yet there are also secondary and tertiary definitions: an unimpaired condition and the quality or state of being undivided, respectively. Integrity is a word that comes from the Latin integritas, meaning entire or whole. I find it interesting that the lesser (second and third) definitions are closer to its original meaning. Consider the degree to which the current parlance has departed from its origins.
So I ask myself, how is it that the definition of the word integrity has changed? It could be that integrity has taken on its modern connotation because when we describe something, we mght have confused cause and effect. Follow me here, if I am a person who is whole, or unimpaired with respect to my thoughts and actions, the degree to which I function effectively in this world is augmented greatly with respect to others who are confused or divided. I have witnessed this myself in people, its what I emulate in people. When you meet them it is apparent that they are solid, or concentrated (see below for explanation). So this type of person gets noticed and possibly described by others. Maybe at some point in the effort to be original, another person notices the solid state of this character and uses the word integrity. It takes hold, and the person's positive attributes are mistaken for his/her solid state of being. But whatever the case, at the root of behavior perceived as positive or moral, is wholeness, or soundness. And I argue that whatever you are going to do in this world, be it good or bad (hopefully good), if you want to be effective you have to do it with integrity.
Consider the opposite for just a moment. Not whole, a fraction, subdivided, or divided, or separate.
A state of division takes many forms.
Is my concentration divided? Am I in two or more places at once? Am I delving into the past for any other purpose than information gathering or guided reflection? Am I escaping into a future that will always remain fantasy when instead I should be here in the eternal present, unbroken, undivided, integral, or whole?
Am I serving two masters? Or more succintly, are my motivations conflicted? Is there discord? Is there destructive interference between the waves that I'm riding in this life? Where am I out of sync? Where is the waste? Do I have a firm grasp on the reasons for my actions? Do I understand myself, do I have insight? What is guiding me? What am I denying?
Plagued by negative self-talk? "I can't... They probably won't... She wouldn't... It will never... I don't see..." You are divided. Are you really, really sure that, "it will never work"? Hmmmm. Interesting, forgive me I didn't see the data on these conclusions, but I can only assume that since leagues of scientists spend decades chained to a bench meticulously repeating the most mundane procedures ad nauseum to merely support the most modest of conclusions that you must have completed a rigorous investigation when verifying those words escaping your lips. I look forward to reading your paper in the Journal of You have no idea what is going to happen, but until then, error on the side of a slightly positive bent. No one has all the facts.
But... a state of integrity, of any duration, is one of wholeness.
What is the purpose of existing with integrity? When I act with integrity, whether rightly or wrongly (according to my understanding of right and wrong), that state of wholeness awards me concentration. And what is concentration? It is a comparison, it is simply a ratio. It is a measure of order, it less likely for a state to be concentrated than not concentrated, chemistry reveals this fundamental idea. In every use of this word, concentration is ratio: mass over volume. What are these properties? In life I think, mass is the energy that you bring to bear on any moment in time, it is the sum of your particular existence, even if it is not entirely clear. Volume? Volume is a measure of space, it represents the size of your focal point, the size of your attention. Concentrate on this chapter... My! this gatorade is concentrated. That music is wrecking my concentration!! All are statements that use a comparison to describe the wholeness of a state. If my actions in the moment are concentrated, undivided, unified then I am a person of integrity. Chances are people will attribute positive characteristics to you, or think you a good person, honest etc... that is a debate for another day. But what will not be disputed will be your effectiveness.
Integrity integrity integrity! Do everything with integrity. Then you will be an individual of concentration. You will be an individual of higher energy. Why be this way? Existing with integrity is beautiful, it is less likely, more ordered, and uncommon. The effect of existing with integrity in the practical sense of today's world is that you end up helping others.
12.28.2008
47 minutes to kill?
This video, Money as Debt, by Paul Grignon outlines a central idea that debt creation as a means of modern banking is fundamentally harmful because it is in substance a subtle transfer of wealth vis a vis interest. Please watch it and decide for yourself whether any aspect of Grignon's case holds water. Regardless of where you fall politically with respect to monetary policy, as with any other major institution, technology, social convention, or way of life, we have the duty to consider its existence, efficacy and possibly even its obsolescence.
I would like to highlight my understanding of a few ideas I found thought provoking.
Grignon points out that money once commonly thought of as value or asset is today a measure of debt because modern lending recognizes an individual's "promise to repay" as a fungible form of currency. This fundamental switch came as a result of government mandate, presumably because the borrowing and lending by large banks turned the wheels of the economy. Repackaging a "promise to repay" or debt as value or currency allows the money supply to be greatly expanded past the actual total "value" of goods and services in a given economy.
Constant rates of growth, I hear this all the time on the financial reports... durable goods grew by x%, consumer price index up by y%, GDP up Z%. A constant rate of growth as it is commonly defined, increase by a fixed percentage (say 3.5%), is in fact not linear but exponential.
Year One $1.00 x 3.5% growth = $1.035
Actual growth = $0.035
Year Two $1.35 x 3.5% growth = $1.071
Actual growth = $0.036
Year Three $1.071 x 3.5% growth = $1.11
Actual growth = $0.038
Year Four $1.11 x 3.5% growth = $1.15
Actual growth = $0.040
The delta accelerates, it is non-linear, and over time it is impossible to maintain. Realistically the growth rates are not constant, so this is less a factor in a practical sense. However, constant rate of growth, is something I hear my buddies say all the time when they analyze the financials of a compnay, and it is very much in the conversation as an ideal to strive for.
Grignon rightly notes that the purpose of money is to facilitate exchange yet asks an interesting philosophical question; what is the justification for charging interest on borrowed money? Why is there such a thing as interest? If money exists solely for the purpose of making it easier to trade a chicken for a television, charging interest is not relevant to attaining that end. The justification of interest stems from the risk involved in lending - a borrower may not pay back his debt, therefore one either recoups an eventual loss from other borrowers in the form of interest payments, or one charges the borrower a risk of default premium in the form of interest on the debt in lieu of physical possession of some form of collateral. This is a logical argument for a profit seeking entity. However Grignon posits that the borrowing and lending that stimulates the economy should be overseen by the government and not private profit seeking institutions. Since it is the government that owns the mints, it should be solely the government that decides the proper amount of money needed to have a functioning economy. Government sponsored "banking" would either eliminate the need for interest wholly or redistribute the profits from interest on outstanding loans to the citizens in the form of a dividend. Interesting.
Consider the recent bailout, where the treasury department borrowed the future tax receipts of its citizens to pay the current liabilities of the for-profit banks that had made faulty loans to those same citizens today. Do you understand what this means in simplest terms? The banks have said "You cannot pay your mortgage anymore. Well, we are surely not going to go out of business because you failed to pay. We will threaten the politicians with fear tactics, then they will give us the future tax receipts of your children today so that we can settle our account, all the while we still transfer our interest to the backs of your children. Essentially transferring the obligation to the next generation."
Why wouldn't the government just pay the mortgages themselves? Even though it would be a more direct and less costly solution, it would also be perceived widely as socialist and an anathema to capitalism RA-RA USA! The banks know this and exploit it. They should have died. If you made crappy furniture, you will go out of business. If you make crappy lending decisions you should be out of money. It was a con job.
Grignon points out that non-profit banking is a way around this problem. Because the banks are in this business to make money, eliminating profits from borrowing and lending would eliminate the necessity of private banking. A far more efficient method of regulating trade, yet a threat to the existence of bankers.
Another reform movement stresses return to a sound money. This means making the dollar redeemable for something of fixed value, most popularly precious metals. However, the banks argue that this would tightly constrain borrowing and lending by sharply decreasing the money supply or it would create sudden wealth for those with gold and poverty for those without.
I personally, because of my fondness for physics and chemistry, would like to see our currency linked to Gibbs free energy. For example, how many Joules did it take to make this air compressor? How much heat or enthalpy, in an absolute chemical sense, is responsible for a loaf of bread? Ultimately, this is the value of matter, its heat of formation. Therefore, the truest way to represent the power to buy and sell goods is to link it directly to the energy required to bring it into physical existence. Is this not how the trillions of trillions of living cells trade everyday? Look at the majestic economy in even the smallest, loneliest, most nonessential cell. Does the mitochondrion charge interest to the nucleus for ATP?! Absurd! No interest. Only balance, beauty, function, and growth. The cell understands the interrelatedness of its components, the necessity of harmony for function, and that balance means existence. Bankers value the hoarding of money and getting something for nothing. The cell has no banker, and demands no interest on glucose. Ah, but wait, isn't there loss of heat over time? Isn't it true that no chemical reaction has ever occurred with balanced free energy between products and reactants? There is a payment made for every chemical transaction. There is such a thing as cosmic interest. There is entropy, the cosmic banker. True, but I have no problem paying the universe for being my home, existence is worth it.
Yes - I'm having my own dance party and this is how it starts...
and then i request
and one more before i stop to get water and booze for everyone...
ok - real quick one more
ok time for a little agua
A few of my favorite quotes
Trust no future, however pleasant. Let the dead past bury the dead. Act now in the living present, heart within, God overhead.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.
-Goethe
Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.
-Kleiser
A lazy boy and a warm bed are a difficult thing to part.
-Danish proverb
Vows made in storms are often forgotten in calms.
-Latin Proverb
Keep you fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.
-Robert Louis Stevenson
From listening comes wisdom, and from speaking comes repentance.
-Italian proverb
He who takes the child by the hand takes the mother by the heart.
- German proverb
Our greatest glory lies not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Thomas Edison
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.
-Albert Einstein
When a proud man hears another praised, he feels himself injured
-English proverb
He who falls in love with himself has no rivals
-Benjamin Disraeli
Its easy enough to be pleasant
When everything goes like a song
But the man worthwhile
Is the man who can smile
When everything goes dead wrong
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.
-2 Tim 4:7
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.
-Goethe
Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.
-Kleiser
A lazy boy and a warm bed are a difficult thing to part.
-Danish proverb
Vows made in storms are often forgotten in calms.
-Latin Proverb
Keep you fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.
-Robert Louis Stevenson
From listening comes wisdom, and from speaking comes repentance.
-Italian proverb
He who takes the child by the hand takes the mother by the heart.
- German proverb
Our greatest glory lies not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Thomas Edison
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.
-Albert Einstein
When a proud man hears another praised, he feels himself injured
-English proverb
He who falls in love with himself has no rivals
-Benjamin Disraeli
Its easy enough to be pleasant
When everything goes like a song
But the man worthwhile
Is the man who can smile
When everything goes dead wrong
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.
-2 Tim 4:7
12.25.2008
Listen up muchachos
Press play and read please...
Sit down right there and let me tell you a thing or two:
Beethoven’s ninth symphony is the best piece of music ever written. No exceptions, no argument, no ifs ands or buts. It is the divine melody, it is the rhythm of the cosmos, it captures the majestic beauty of existence, it was handed down to a deaf man by the grace and infinite wisdom of God. And do you know what? Our ears are inadequate to truly "understand" it, for just as a cube drawn on a napkin is distorted from its form being merely a representation in two dimensions, so is the Ninth a crude representation barely accessible by the limited perception and conduction of our sad primitive nervous system. Ha! Listening to the ninth is a communication with the higher love. Do not tolerate any other answer from anyone. To change one note, to alter the pace, to hesitate, even in the slightest would scramble the message. It is perfection.
And another thing, bankers are the fancier thieves and scoundrels, I despise them. I don’t care what anyone says it doesn’t matter, yes they provide liquidity etc etc… But you know what, you can still provide liquidity and shop at Payless, but you won’t ever see it. Why??? Because they are in it for the MONEY. They are corrupt. They have no love, no substance, and are the parasites of society. True story.
You don’t have as much time as you think – so get up and do whatever you have to do right now. Push it a little farther, work harder, get up earlier, you’re still going to get to bed tonight -don’t worry, and you’ll probably sleep better for it. Always be looking for more ways to cram productive activity into the day. Stop waiting – its not going to happen without your hand – so get up and do it now -even if it is just the smallest start. You will know when you are tired, it will feel great, then you can rest and that will feel great.
Family is the most important – more important than career, fame, money, and yourself. You will never experience the happiness, security, and fulfillment of a family anywhere else in life. I am blessed to have experienced this firsthand – and I thank God for it. I have the responsibility to convey the love of my family outward like a little positive charge bleeping in the vast darkness of the universe. If you have had a mother or father active in your life, thank them the next chance you get.
To whom much is given, much will be expected. You were probably given a lot. Get cracking. Don’t be lazy. Give me dumb, slow, nasty, dopey, I’ll work with them all. Just don’t give me lazy. Lazy gets sent home. Lazy goes hungry.
Don’t be proud – pride just gets in the way. It stops you when you should be in motion– and causes improper actions when you should be still. Don’t look in the mirror too often, especially if you’re a man, Don’t worry about clothes, especially if you’re a man. If you’re secure with yourself it won’t matter if you wear an Armani suit or a barrel and straps. People respect you, not your clothes.
Don’t be a sucker – many, many, many people are out to take advantage of you. The trick is determining who needs actual help and who is out just to get their next mark. You have no responsibility to be another’s mark. Making a decision? The golden rule is all you need. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Act with this in mind and you will always have a clean conscience even if you’re wrong. I’m not saying the trip will be hassle free, I’m just saying that you’ll be on the right side.
I learned this one in the academy, don’t ever let anyone take anything out of your hands. No matter who, your boss, his boss, anyone, if they try and take a tool, a pencil, whatever, stop and say, “What do you need?” And be sure to make eye contact.
Always make eye contact. Don’t eyeball people, just make sure you’re focused on the eyes, nine times out of ten, it will tell you everything you need to know. And smile; when appropriate, which almost always.
Your life is going to be what you make of it. If you are a person who is happy and resilient, you will probably be this way through good times and bad. If you are pessimistic or downtrodden, you will probably find something wrong with a winning lottery ticket. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide the proper psychological frame in which to conduct your life, so why not choose to find the love, humor, and wonder in life? Yes, deal with the crap-ola, and bad stuff, we all have to, but focus in on the humor, love, motivating, animating aspects of life. I’ve felt the spirit, it is the most beautiful experience – it is a vital fever.
Sit down right there and let me tell you a thing or two:
Beethoven’s ninth symphony is the best piece of music ever written. No exceptions, no argument, no ifs ands or buts. It is the divine melody, it is the rhythm of the cosmos, it captures the majestic beauty of existence, it was handed down to a deaf man by the grace and infinite wisdom of God. And do you know what? Our ears are inadequate to truly "understand" it, for just as a cube drawn on a napkin is distorted from its form being merely a representation in two dimensions, so is the Ninth a crude representation barely accessible by the limited perception and conduction of our sad primitive nervous system. Ha! Listening to the ninth is a communication with the higher love. Do not tolerate any other answer from anyone. To change one note, to alter the pace, to hesitate, even in the slightest would scramble the message. It is perfection.
And another thing, bankers are the fancier thieves and scoundrels, I despise them. I don’t care what anyone says it doesn’t matter, yes they provide liquidity etc etc… But you know what, you can still provide liquidity and shop at Payless, but you won’t ever see it. Why??? Because they are in it for the MONEY. They are corrupt. They have no love, no substance, and are the parasites of society. True story.
You don’t have as much time as you think – so get up and do whatever you have to do right now. Push it a little farther, work harder, get up earlier, you’re still going to get to bed tonight -don’t worry, and you’ll probably sleep better for it. Always be looking for more ways to cram productive activity into the day. Stop waiting – its not going to happen without your hand – so get up and do it now -even if it is just the smallest start. You will know when you are tired, it will feel great, then you can rest and that will feel great.
Family is the most important – more important than career, fame, money, and yourself. You will never experience the happiness, security, and fulfillment of a family anywhere else in life. I am blessed to have experienced this firsthand – and I thank God for it. I have the responsibility to convey the love of my family outward like a little positive charge bleeping in the vast darkness of the universe. If you have had a mother or father active in your life, thank them the next chance you get.
To whom much is given, much will be expected. You were probably given a lot. Get cracking. Don’t be lazy. Give me dumb, slow, nasty, dopey, I’ll work with them all. Just don’t give me lazy. Lazy gets sent home. Lazy goes hungry.
Don’t be proud – pride just gets in the way. It stops you when you should be in motion– and causes improper actions when you should be still. Don’t look in the mirror too often, especially if you’re a man, Don’t worry about clothes, especially if you’re a man. If you’re secure with yourself it won’t matter if you wear an Armani suit or a barrel and straps. People respect you, not your clothes.
Don’t be a sucker – many, many, many people are out to take advantage of you. The trick is determining who needs actual help and who is out just to get their next mark. You have no responsibility to be another’s mark. Making a decision? The golden rule is all you need. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Act with this in mind and you will always have a clean conscience even if you’re wrong. I’m not saying the trip will be hassle free, I’m just saying that you’ll be on the right side.
I learned this one in the academy, don’t ever let anyone take anything out of your hands. No matter who, your boss, his boss, anyone, if they try and take a tool, a pencil, whatever, stop and say, “What do you need?” And be sure to make eye contact.
Always make eye contact. Don’t eyeball people, just make sure you’re focused on the eyes, nine times out of ten, it will tell you everything you need to know. And smile; when appropriate, which almost always.
Your life is going to be what you make of it. If you are a person who is happy and resilient, you will probably be this way through good times and bad. If you are pessimistic or downtrodden, you will probably find something wrong with a winning lottery ticket. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide the proper psychological frame in which to conduct your life, so why not choose to find the love, humor, and wonder in life? Yes, deal with the crap-ola, and bad stuff, we all have to, but focus in on the humor, love, motivating, animating aspects of life. I’ve felt the spirit, it is the most beautiful experience – it is a vital fever.
12.13.2008
These things comprise a good day... a good day is composed of these
1. Its Saturday, although that matters less and less now that my "work week" consists of learning. I never knew I would have it so good.
2. Up early (relatively) for a Saturday - 6:55- which means I got the whole day in front of me.
3. My legs and are sore from the previous day's basketball - this means:
a. I expended myself.
b. I get to do the morning stretch leg kick thing in bed that one of life's treats.
c. I have working legs, more valuable than anything except hands, vision, brain.
4. Coffee and fruit in the morning watching the traffic on the GW bridge back up, comfortably stowed in my tiny room. (the room is clean - this makes the confinement enjoyable instead of lamentable).
5. I get to go to a conference on a scientific topic that fascinates me and challenges/expands my understanding. My brain is engaged in focused concentration for several hours. The talks are on memory. I try to remember everything.
6. The sun is shining brightly - I walk around the fancy fifth avenue shops getting gift ideas for family and people watching. The streets are filled with thousands of people.
6 1/2. I move freely and easily about the hustle and bustle, I have no impediments. It dawns on me that I don't need/want any of this crap thats for sale. I feel light physically. I wish others could feel this way. I know that me and the sales clerk at Louis Vuitton would disagree about a lot of things. I thank God I'm not in retail.
7. Further, it dawns on me that I already have what I want/need - my health and the ability to pursue my understanding of the world/universe. I wonder for a brief second how long my health will hold up and give thanks.
8. Then I realize that it doesn't matter how long it will hold, because all I can do is live my life while I am still able - and as long as this truth is not abused to justify reckless behavior, I can safely remain in the mystery.
9. I note a paradox. I'm completely happy, even though I abandoned the quest years ago. I consider these two scenarios: 1. As a younger man, I remember always being unsatisfied with everything, and always looking to the future. Critical in the bad way, controlling in the bad way, impatient in the bad way. I would always think when this or that finally happened - THEN I WILL AUTOMATICALLY BECOME HAPPY AS A RESULT OF SUCH AND SUCH ACHIEVEMENT. I viewed it as cause and effect. When I have money/prestige/"the girl" etc. it would just happen. I never bothered to ask why these things would make me happy, because I was a follower.
At some point, I realized that ALL (every last one) of the people I looked up to/followed had no better idea than me about the truth of life/happiness. They just knew what worked for them better than I knew what worked for me.
Scenario 2 - After finally realizing that nothing I was doing was working - I had to finally admit that I had no idea what I was doing in my life. It dawned on me when I was 26 that I am older now and that while talk of the future is an acceptable practice for a wide-eyed 18 year old, now I either am or am not. And more to the point, as I age, talk about doing this or that in the future only makes me look like a fool. Whoops what did I just say? It was too late I couldn't take it back, that's exactly what I was all those years walking around this spinning ball of electron probability waves and protons existing among the infinite darkness, a little fool. The only remaining step was determining if I had the humility to admit that.
And then I understood my ego had been weighing me down the whole time.
Everyday I give thanks and ask for guidance. For me, understanding beats happiness ten times out of ten, a hundred times out of hundred.
Time moves along, what am I doing this moment? Because that is my life. I ask for discipline and concentration to be in the moment - here . The final step was to figure out what to spend the moment on - selling designer shoes? Insurance? Law? Trading futures? Having fun? Farming? Attempting understanding and passing it on to another? Yep thats the one that works best for me. I don't have to say I'm going to do this or that because I am doing this and that. Next conversation.
10. Contemplating the vastness of space time and vowing to read more Carl Sagan.
12.07.2008
Candy wrappers
I was on the subway one day recently. A young kid, could not have been older then 13 sat across from me diagonally by six or so seats. It was just me and him on this car. I watched him throw the wrapper of his candy bar right on the floor of the car. Should I or shouldn't I say something? What would you do?
Option one: "Hey son, don't you know that littering harms us all? Our civic duty is to respect the common municipal property. So please do your part and dispose of your garbage in the proper receptacle!" in my best Wally Cleaver. What is the probability that the kid picks it up and contritely promises to do better next time? What is the probability that he tells me to go BLEEP myself? Would you be humble enough to be corrected by a stranger even when you know you're wrong? Not bloody likely.
Don't worry - I'm aware that the Metropolitan Transit Authority does not need yet another superhero/psychopath trolling the subways and buses, accosting passengers about candy wrappers and spilled coffee.
Option two: Look the other way. Its not my problem. What a shame... etc. (this is what I did)
*Option three - Darn! I thought of this one later that night, too late, but I'll know next time. I would have gotten up walked over to the wrapper - bent over and picked it up - saying nothing - but making eye contact that says, "I'm picking up your garbage because you won't, and you know its wrong, so everytime you do it from now on, at least you will be aware of the fact that you are acting wrongly." And for extra credit, "Every time you throw your snickers wrapper on the floor someone has to pick it up, which is however infinitesimally small still both a needlessly added responsibility to another and a waste of public resources." Yes, one look can communicate that to another. Provided they are "listening".
Its just a candy wrapper! Relax!
I'm not getting self righteous in this case because I don't litter, and I'm not judging the kid, only the action.
11.29.2008
An old poem.
Here's a poem I had forgotten about, I think it is important.
Ed
by Louis Simpson
Ed was in love with a cocktail waitress,
but Ed’s family, and his friends,
didn’t approve. So he broke it off.
He married a respectable woman
who played the piano. She played well enough
to have been a professional.
Ed’s wife left him …
Years later, at a family gathering
Ed got drunk and made a fool of himself.
He said, “I should have married Doreen.”
“Well,” they said, “why didn’t you?”
Ed
by Louis Simpson
Ed was in love with a cocktail waitress,
but Ed’s family, and his friends,
didn’t approve. So he broke it off.
He married a respectable woman
who played the piano. She played well enough
to have been a professional.
Ed’s wife left him …
Years later, at a family gathering
Ed got drunk and made a fool of himself.
He said, “I should have married Doreen.”
“Well,” they said, “why didn’t you?”
Great question! Haha oh the losses we endure in the quest for approval- whether from family, friends, bosses, and any other human. And for what? Family and friends without a doubt want what is best for you, but that in no way means they actually know what is best.
Then again, we don't know Ed, maybe the cocktail waitress would have left him too...
Who can say? But we do know that Ed committed the error. You cannot predict what your friends or family may say, but you can and should have domain over your reactions to those words. Ed may not have consciously known, but his subconscious knew it was a mistake.
Have you ever witnessed or experienced a deep unacknowledged regret at last physically overcome the denial repressing it? Our psyches are but containers- and regrets? Why to me they are the toxic byproducts of mistakes and must be disposed of for healthy living. Under normal circumstances and with normal mistakes, one ably vents these choleric gases (e.g.):
Name it- I'm stalling again, procrastinating, putting off decisions.
Accept it - I did it, it is what it is.
Let go. Resolve to do better. Rolling in the muck is no way to get clean.
BUT if you do not admit to mistakes, than you will believe you have nothing to vent, all is swell. That is the essence of denial. B.L.E.V.E. - this is what the fire department calls a boiling liquid expanding vapor explosion - when unpredictable reactions cross with these byproducts you get all sorts of sh*t in the container amplifying and magnifying the pressure -something must establish the equilibrium, something has got to give, normally its the container. In fires, like in people, before the container explodes, the outside usually deforms - notice this. Sometimes flaws in the container give way first and high a pressure stream spills forth preserving most of the container - then here comes the concentrated nastiness - alcoholism, filthy speech, meanness, addiction, violence, promiscuity, vanity, fear, panic, arrogance... But either way after everything else has escaped into the atmosphere, what finally exits? Drum roll please... regret. Oh there it is, you caused all this?
Ever seen this? I have, and its like this poem, or sometimes much more innocuous, or sometimes much more explosive. It happens. Watch for it, in yourself and in others.
Be law unto yourself - do or don't something because "you will know", I hate sneakiness.
Seek your own counsel - choose advice carefully because...
You own your decisions - the devil cannot make you do anything, I don't believe in weakness of will.
11.03.2008
A couple of things I need to remember.
Last night I had another opportunity, but I missed it. They come every once in a great while, I'd say a few times a year. This time I was on an airplane, it was one of those big transcontinental jets, three seats to the window aisles and five seats to the center row. I had the cabin all to myself, strangely. I was passing to the other aisle when the plane pitched downward suddenly and I remember feeling that normal anxiety of "oh dear what's this now?". Then without warning, the plane jolted into a straight nose dive, which sent me straight into the air. I remember being stuck to the ceiling as we began to fall out of the sky. At this point I was aware that I was about to crash but I didn't know when the impact would happen- and I remember feeling terrified. Interestingly, I remember being aware that this was all a dream, and despite my terror, I was somehow aware that I could have pulled myself out of the dream if I wanted. I knew I had the choice to stay in the dream or leave, and I was so afraid, the fear was definitely vivid, very real. Before the crash I pulled myself out and woke up, not in a gasp, or shriek, just slowly coming to - and as I became conscious I could feel the fear dissipate in the way that the pain of holding your breath dissipates when you finally resume breathing.
There in the darkness, in the dead of the night, I thought to myself, "Sh#t, you were right there again, you could have gone all the way this time. You knew it was a dream and you were still scared stiff." See, I have always wondered what waits on the other side of these types of dreams, what would happen if I experienced the crash? Can you experience your moment of death in a dream? Another time, and this one is a touch freakier, I dreamt that ghosts entered my room when I still lived in Vermont, and each began pressing down on my chest. I remember feeling this immense pressure and hearing these silly clown voices and laughter. All the while, I was aware that I was dreaming, but the pressure on my chest was unbearable. I repeat, I knew it was a dream, but I felt this terror anyway- this pressure, and every passing moment increased the intensity. Of course, I cried mercy and pulled myself out... I pulled myself out. I woke up disappointed with myself, I should have seen it through.
What would happen if I held out, would the fear just keep increasing exponentially like y = x^2 onward, upward, forever? Or, with a little bit of nocturnal fortitude, could I break it? Get over the mountain. I want to know so badly, because I fall short every time, right at the event horizon.
I reason - I am in bed, not on a plane. Therefore, in reality, I do not have to fear death from a plane crash at the moment I'm in bed. Yet, I feel it. My sleeping brain did whatever it did, but I'll tell you this, what came out was fear. And I know the fear was real, because when I woke up I was afraid, sure it goes away, but it was there first. Furthermore, I was aware of being in a dream, so why am I still afraid? Why I am reacting to fear I know logically should not exist? And not just reacting, but getting crushed by fear that I know has no logical basis.
What would happen if I could get through the dream, endure the fear? Would this change the waking me in anyway? I have this hypothesis that if I could just suffer through it, endure it for as long as it takes, this fear would eventually shatter like glass against me. And from that point forward, I would be in conscious control of my subconscious fear, what a breakthrough that would be! I don't want to just wake up from a bad dream, I want to feel everything its got, I want to exhaust the demons, amygdala, or whatever is responsible. I want them to give up, not me. I want to conquer my nightmares.
In other news, three years ago tonight marks a personal journey from innocence to understanding. I'm celebrating the walk of life with gratitude.
There in the darkness, in the dead of the night, I thought to myself, "Sh#t, you were right there again, you could have gone all the way this time. You knew it was a dream and you were still scared stiff." See, I have always wondered what waits on the other side of these types of dreams, what would happen if I experienced the crash? Can you experience your moment of death in a dream? Another time, and this one is a touch freakier, I dreamt that ghosts entered my room when I still lived in Vermont, and each began pressing down on my chest. I remember feeling this immense pressure and hearing these silly clown voices and laughter. All the while, I was aware that I was dreaming, but the pressure on my chest was unbearable. I repeat, I knew it was a dream, but I felt this terror anyway- this pressure, and every passing moment increased the intensity. Of course, I cried mercy and pulled myself out... I pulled myself out. I woke up disappointed with myself, I should have seen it through.
What would happen if I held out, would the fear just keep increasing exponentially like y = x^2 onward, upward, forever? Or, with a little bit of nocturnal fortitude, could I break it? Get over the mountain. I want to know so badly, because I fall short every time, right at the event horizon.
I reason - I am in bed, not on a plane. Therefore, in reality, I do not have to fear death from a plane crash at the moment I'm in bed. Yet, I feel it. My sleeping brain did whatever it did, but I'll tell you this, what came out was fear. And I know the fear was real, because when I woke up I was afraid, sure it goes away, but it was there first. Furthermore, I was aware of being in a dream, so why am I still afraid? Why I am reacting to fear I know logically should not exist? And not just reacting, but getting crushed by fear that I know has no logical basis.
What would happen if I could get through the dream, endure the fear? Would this change the waking me in anyway? I have this hypothesis that if I could just suffer through it, endure it for as long as it takes, this fear would eventually shatter like glass against me. And from that point forward, I would be in conscious control of my subconscious fear, what a breakthrough that would be! I don't want to just wake up from a bad dream, I want to feel everything its got, I want to exhaust the demons, amygdala, or whatever is responsible. I want them to give up, not me. I want to conquer my nightmares.
In other news, three years ago tonight marks a personal journey from innocence to understanding. I'm celebrating the walk of life with gratitude.
10.02.2008
message in a bottle
I'l keep this brief because class begins early tomorrow and I want a full night's rest. I'm responding to tonight's vice-presidential candidate debate between Biden and Palin. Have I lost all hold on my sanity, or was anyone else completely horrified by the prospect of Palin becoming vice president? Please tell me someone else out there was appalled by her lack argument, grammar, and substance.
Palin's monotone delivery of rapid fire partial thoughts, serial dependent clauses, and hackneyed paraphrasing indicated a complete and total lack of intelligent thought or critical analysis. In responses to questions regarding her and McCain's positions on myriad subjects, listeners were subjected to longwinded "answers" that soon became stream of consciousness blathering and randomly associated parcels of GOP media tract. There in the debate one could sample the countless inappropriate informal speech ('not got allowed" and "I come from a family") as well as mixed metaphors, piled onto non-sequitur reference completely out of context and without transition. It seems Palin has perfected the art of corporate-speak, here it is described: If a listener is casual, not paying full attention, or worse yet, not able to digest a complex argument - I believe a rhetorically more effective way of convincing the listener is to lace the speech with emotionally stimulating buzzwords and phrases such as middle class, family, hockey mom, heckuva etc.. The actual argument, citation of evidence, even grammar are less of a concern than the actual delivery - "John McCain fights for families" "I'm an expert on the energy oil industry", "I love Israel". So here tonight, while Palin did not ever once actually put forth an argument, she flooded the viewers with randomly compiled statistics, "heart speech", "shout outs" delivered in an affected down home country bumpkin Mr. Smith goes to Washington styled subterfuge. Terrifying.
I was totally horrified upon suddenly realizing that the potential vice president of the United States sounded like the famous Adam Sandler character Billy Madison in the final scene delivering an answer in an academic decathlon. In that scene the moderator says to Billy after his response, "Nowhere in your wild rambling did you even approach anything that could be considered a rational thought. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul." Ditto that Palin, judge moderator guy.
Unfortunately for Biden, in an ostensibly strategic attempt to not appear condescending or domineering, failed to take Palin to task on any of her faults whether grammatical or actual. Instead he seemed focused solely on undermining McCain's bid to the presidency - which is fine -
I'm not trying to be snobby, but I would sincerely hope the leader of our country would have a well developed intellect, a firm grasp on the principle of a "logical argument" and finally speak in grammatically correct complete sentences, you know like our last... oh yeah.
S.O.S.
Palin's monotone delivery of rapid fire partial thoughts, serial dependent clauses, and hackneyed paraphrasing indicated a complete and total lack of intelligent thought or critical analysis. In responses to questions regarding her and McCain's positions on myriad subjects, listeners were subjected to longwinded "answers" that soon became stream of consciousness blathering and randomly associated parcels of GOP media tract. There in the debate one could sample the countless inappropriate informal speech ('not got allowed" and "I come from a family") as well as mixed metaphors, piled onto non-sequitur reference completely out of context and without transition. It seems Palin has perfected the art of corporate-speak, here it is described: If a listener is casual, not paying full attention, or worse yet, not able to digest a complex argument - I believe a rhetorically more effective way of convincing the listener is to lace the speech with emotionally stimulating buzzwords and phrases such as middle class, family, hockey mom, heckuva etc.. The actual argument, citation of evidence, even grammar are less of a concern than the actual delivery - "John McCain fights for families" "I'm an expert on the energy oil industry", "I love Israel". So here tonight, while Palin did not ever once actually put forth an argument, she flooded the viewers with randomly compiled statistics, "heart speech", "shout outs" delivered in an affected down home country bumpkin Mr. Smith goes to Washington styled subterfuge. Terrifying.
I was totally horrified upon suddenly realizing that the potential vice president of the United States sounded like the famous Adam Sandler character Billy Madison in the final scene delivering an answer in an academic decathlon. In that scene the moderator says to Billy after his response, "Nowhere in your wild rambling did you even approach anything that could be considered a rational thought. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul." Ditto that Palin, judge moderator guy.
Unfortunately for Biden, in an ostensibly strategic attempt to not appear condescending or domineering, failed to take Palin to task on any of her faults whether grammatical or actual. Instead he seemed focused solely on undermining McCain's bid to the presidency - which is fine -
I'm not trying to be snobby, but I would sincerely hope the leader of our country would have a well developed intellect, a firm grasp on the principle of a "logical argument" and finally speak in grammatically correct complete sentences, you know like our last... oh yeah.
S.O.S.
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