An old poem.

Here's a poem I had forgotten about, I think it is important.

Ed

by Louis Simpson

Ed was in love with a cocktail waitress,
but Ed’s family, and his friends,
didn’t approve. So he broke it off.

He married a respectable woman
who played the piano. She played well enough
to have been a professional.

Ed’s wife left him …
Years later, at a family gathering
Ed got drunk and made a fool of himself.

He said, “I should have married Doreen.”
“Well,” they said, “why didn’t you?”

Great question! Haha oh the losses we endure in the quest for approval- whether from family, friends, bosses, and any other human. And for what? Family and friends without a doubt want what is best for you, but that in no way means they actually know what is best. 

Then again, we don't know Ed, maybe the cocktail waitress would have left him too... 

Who can say? But we do know that Ed committed the error. You cannot predict what your friends or family may say, but you can and should have domain over your reactions to those words. Ed may not have consciously known, but his subconscious knew it was a mistake. 

Have you ever witnessed or experienced a deep unacknowledged regret at last physically overcome the denial repressing it? Our psyches are but containers- and regrets? Why to me they are the toxic byproducts of mistakes and must be disposed of for healthy living. Under normal circumstances and with normal mistakes, one ably vents these choleric gases (e.g.):

Name it- I'm stalling again, procrastinating, putting off decisions.

Accept it - I did it, it is what it is.

Let go. Resolve to do better. Rolling in the muck is no way to get clean.

BUT if you do not admit to mistakes, than you will believe you have nothing to vent, all is swell. That is the essence of denial. B.L.E.V.E. - this is what the fire department calls a boiling liquid expanding vapor explosion - when unpredictable reactions cross with these byproducts you get all sorts of sh*t in the container amplifying and magnifying the pressure -something must establish the equilibrium, something has got to give, normally its the container. In fires, like in people, before the container explodes, the outside usually deforms - notice this. Sometimes flaws in the container give way first and high a pressure stream spills forth preserving most of the container - then here comes the concentrated nastiness - alcoholism, filthy speech, meanness, addiction, violence, promiscuity, vanity, fear, panic, arrogance... But either way after everything else has escaped into the atmosphere, what finally exits? Drum roll please... regret. Oh there it is, you caused all this?

Ever seen this? I have, and its like this poem, or sometimes much more innocuous, or sometimes much more explosive. It happens. Watch for it, in yourself and in others. 

Be law unto yourself - do or don't something because "you will know", I hate sneakiness.

Seek your own counsel - choose advice carefully because...

You own your decisions - the devil cannot make you do anything, I don't believe in weakness of will.