These things comprise a good day... a good day is composed of these

1. Its Saturday, although that matters less and less now that my "work week" consists of learning. I never knew I would have it so good.

2. Up early (relatively) for a Saturday - 6:55- which means I got the whole day in front of  me. 

3. My legs and are sore from the previous day's basketball - this means:

          a. I expended myself.

          b. I get to do the morning stretch leg kick thing in bed that one of life's treats.

          c. I have working legs, more valuable than anything except hands, vision, brain. 

4. Coffee and fruit in the morning watching the traffic on the GW bridge back up, comfortably stowed in my tiny room. (the room is clean - this makes the confinement enjoyable instead of lamentable).

5.  I get to go to a conference on a scientific topic that fascinates me and challenges/expands my understanding. My brain is engaged in focused concentration for several hours. The talks are on memory. I try to remember everything. 

6. The sun is shining brightly - I walk around the fancy fifth avenue shops getting gift ideas for family and people watching. The streets are filled with thousands of people.

6 1/2. I move freely and easily about the hustle and bustle, I have no impediments. It dawns on me that I don't need/want any of this crap thats for sale. I feel light physically. I wish others could feel this way. I know that me and the sales clerk at Louis Vuitton would disagree about a lot of things. I thank God I'm not in retail.

7. Further, it dawns on me that I already have what I want/need - my health and the ability to pursue my understanding of the world/universe. I wonder for a brief second how long my health will hold up and give thanks.

8. Then I realize that it doesn't matter how long it will hold, because all I can do is live my life while I am still able - and as long as this truth is not abused to justify reckless behavior, I can safely remain in the mystery.

9. I note a paradox. I'm completely happy, even though I abandoned the quest years ago. I consider these two scenarios: 1. As a younger man, I remember always being unsatisfied with everything, and always looking to the future. Critical in the bad way, controlling in the bad way, impatient in the bad way. I would always think when this or that finally happened - THEN I WILL AUTOMATICALLY BECOME HAPPY AS A RESULT OF SUCH AND SUCH ACHIEVEMENT. I viewed it as cause and effect. When I have money/prestige/"the girl" etc. it would just happen. I never bothered to ask why these things would make me happy, because I was a follower. 

At some point, I realized that ALL (every last one) of the people I looked up to/followed had no better idea than me about the truth of life/happiness. They just knew what worked for them better than I knew what worked for me. 

Scenario 2 - After finally realizing that nothing I was doing was working - I had to finally admit that I had no idea what I was doing in my life. It dawned on me when I was 26 that I am older now and that while talk of the future is an acceptable practice for a wide-eyed 18 year old, now I either am or am not. And more to the point, as I age, talk about doing this or that in the future only makes me look like a fool. Whoops what did I just say? It was too late I couldn't take it back, that's exactly what I was all those years walking around this spinning ball of electron probability waves and protons existing among the infinite darkness, a little fool. The only remaining step was determining if I had the humility to admit that. 

And then I understood my ego had been weighing me down the whole time.

Everyday I give thanks and ask for guidance. For me, understanding beats happiness ten times out of ten, a hundred times out of hundred. 

Time moves along, what am I doing this moment? Because that is my life. I ask for discipline and concentration to be in the moment - here . The final step was to figure out what to spend the moment on - selling designer shoes? Insurance? Law? Trading futures? Having fun? Farming? Attempting understanding and passing it on to another? Yep thats the one that works best for me. I don't have to say I'm going to do this or that because I am doing this and that. Next conversation.

10. Contemplating the vastness of space time and vowing to read more Carl Sagan.