Another Sunny Sunday

The concept of relative deprivation is a hell of a thing.

I am rich and not rich at the same time. Here see for yourself.

If you were to compare my bank account, assets, debts, to those of my friends (the ones who are roughly equal or greater in age to mine) you would certainly find my audits to be woefully inadequate. Its true, I confess I could have done a lot better, I probably should have been more focused on money, should own a home by now, or just more generally feel like a "financial adult" - (picture fantasies of tropical vacations, expensive clothes, fat wads of cash in pocket etc)

But consider that roughly one quarter of the world's population survives on less than $1 (or something like that) a day??? Yet I have never met one of them because I live in a different fishtank. And this condition is perfect breeding ground for the notion of relative deprivation (and when your friends/colleagues work in the hedge fund and private equity world the effect is magnified exponentially)- I'm not suffering- not even close jack (actually I'm flourishing but I'll get to that), yet when I look around my particular fishbowl, it would seem (and has for awhile) as if I'm starving. For as long as I remember, and with feelings stronger than I care to admit, an unending well of personal dissatisfaction and feelings of inadequacy born of this relative "deprivation" has been at the root of so many comically wrong thoughts and hence blunderous mistakes in my personal conduct. I believe this world has so cleverly evoked my many immature responses for these primary reasons:

1. I lacked (or lost) the honest pursuit of personal understanding and insight (living blindly).
2. I had more limited life experience (unavoidable aspect of youth).
3. I have perseverated on my comparative lack of wealth (a fear based and totally neurotic exercise in futility).

But Gene, you're a rational guy. You're intelligent, you didn't just fall off the back of a turnip truck. How's this possible? How did this happen?

Well, lets rewind to an earlier time, lets delve deeply into my head and sample the voices inside, ask them about money:

A. "Women say lot of things, but they end up going home with the guy who has money. Actions speak louder than words"
B. "Money gets you respect, when people talk about people, they say things like 'he's loaded, he makes bank, he gets paid' so there you go"
C. "Money protects you from the badness of the world"
D. "You have to be rich to be happy"

Textbook black and white thinking. These thoughts are only partially correct, which is to say wrong.

Modify these statements with a little experience and understanding.

A. Yes, I have seen this many times. The rich guy gets the girls. See? Get rich. But first, consider the woman. Do you want this type of women, and if so why? Next and way more importantly, what's that say about you pal? Aren't there more women than rich guys here tonight anyway? Oh, but you want only the pretty ones? So aren't you just as bad as they are? Wait a minute, aren't there women NOT here right now? Can I ask you something? Seriously, what the hell are you doing here right now? You are putting on "airs" and after all fooling no one but yourself. Go home, go to bed, get up at 5AM and spend your life getting after whatever it is that you love but are obviously too afraid to admit much less do - I promise you - lead your life and women will beat a path to your door.

B. "So and so is loaded (with stars in eyes)... So and so makes bank (barely able to contain their salivations)... See how people talk about people who make money? Its gets you respect." OK, again, its true, we've all heard this so many times. First - listen closely to whoever is saying these things. It will tell you more about them than anything else. It took a long time for me to figure this out, but talking about money (especially when its not even yours) is fear response, and a never-failing sign of insecurity. Have you said these things? (the answer is yes we all have) Well what does that say about me? Ignore the luckless mouths of fools, live by your actions and lift others up who need it, lead by honesty and good principles, I promise your reputation will be stratospheric by comparison.

C. "Money can be a fire-wall, it protects you from the badness of the world." Who could argue with this? The only thing that remains to be determined is the amount. Guess what? It's not much, you already have the amount that provides you the best coverage money can buy. Health insurance, good food, sanitation, modest home. Physiologically speaking (because we are talking about health), the rest is luxury. Actually, the true protection comes from your relationships, actions, and habits formed and cemented every day, over time- Exercise? Right thoughts? Right occupation? Right faith? C'mon, plus, it can be said that too much money courts the badness of the world. Let me ask you this, what would you rather have going into your old age? Plenty of money, few friends. Or plenty of friends, little money. When you're 85 and near defenseless, do you really think every hired nurse, lawyer, estate executor, will truly have your best interests in mind? Think again.

D. "Money can make you happy." With a little more insight I have decided, after hearing multiple times from multiple sources,

Money doesn't make you happy, but lack of it will all but guarantee your misery [sic].

So where does that leave me? Somewhat older, somewhat more centered. Somewhat more.

I have enough money, and thats what lets me put this to bed. The rest is just making sure I am aware of this, in moments of weakness, fear, envy, fatigue, and cowardice.

Finally, I have a few things that are arguably more important, I'll list em:

A loving family, on whom I can depend, and who can easily depend on me.
I'm in the prime of my youth, in top physical condition and in perfect health.
A wonderful panoply of characters, to whom I express devoted friendship.
A tireless, relentless spirit. Its like I've tapped a keg of pure energy and I have brought a very large stein. Fill it up baby!
A very healthy fear of God. (say it again, its worth repeating)
A very healthy fear of God. (you better believe it chief)
A fine and practiced appreciation of the little things - coffee and oranges on a gorgeous Sunday morning. The high from breezy blue skies. Beta-endorphins release, good music, trust me it goes on...
I'm blessed to be able to spend my life in the pursuit of ways my own, in the study and practice of an art designed to free others from pain and suffering.


Don't just jog, move your ass.
Instead of going to sleep, crash out from the day.
8am-5pm M-F cut the chit chat, get to brass tacks.
Working out? Na, try putting out.
Don't just study, think.
Apply the time.


I'm sorry, did somebody say something about money?