Med school exams

The first block of med school exams have come and gone. Science basic and anatomy, writtens and practicals. Its a Monday afternoon and many are already on their merry way to bars or setting up their beer pong tables... hilarious. There was much hullabalo (right?) about them, lots of sobered neurotic concerns, and guess what? Here is the truth of medical school exams. Dear premeds, this one is for you:

Assuming you study (and I'm pretty sure you know how to study), it will be much harder to fail a med school exam than it was actually being accepted. There you have it, I said it, damn me to hell. Next subject...


I received some bills today funny that they all came on the same day:
Lab fees for at most 10 minutes, bloodwork to get into medschool even though I was employed at the time but my employer couldn't provide insurance: $340
Phone bill despite Keiretsu system (google it) Columbia University discount: $55
Additional surprise anatomy lab fee: $50
Plane ticket for Turkey-Day: $350
Pro-rated daily med school tuition: $261.11 (yep, every day even on Rosh Hashanah)
Minimum student loan payment from other tuition bill: $205

Total for today: 1,216.11.
Take out my plane ticket, evenso education is a very expensive proposition.
So where is my bailout? - Why the hell are we bailing out parasite bankers who survive SOLELY because of interest, instead of me or some person with an actual skill? Tell me what is the difference? Honestly- what the hell is the difference? (as a young man I admired bankers, I despise them now, and I will be happy to tell it to there face anytime I get a chance, I get fired up just thinking about it)

Harken to Thessalonians 3:10 "He that shall not work, neither shall he eat"

Hmmmm let me think... wait a minute, aaaaahhh I have an idea - my tuition is paid to the school, so they have their "money". Ok, now some bank owns my promise to repay a total capitalized principal at the end of this four year waltz, God willing hopefully less than $200,000.

Here is the point where I take a page out the playbook of our leaders: at this point I will imitate those executive members of the Federal Reserve and commercial banking institutions and regretfully inform my lenders that certain "assets" on my balance sheet turned out to be less than viable than my earlier risk analyses indicated, but I will say this with a very remorseful and humble tone - yes just like Paulson and Bernanke, let them know how dreadfully sorry I am. Furthermore I will inform them that unless I'm immediately bailed out, many people will suffer and die as a result of my inability to provide medical care. Here is where I will take pains to inform them that there is not time enough to think and asking questions or wanting to know what happened is counterproductive, and that we need to retire the entire debt or at most settle for 10 cents on the dollar.

Not bad eh? Just might work right? No? But wait, they did it... No, I won't be... wait... what?

Assholes.

Director: Wait a minute, cut... cut cut cut. Gene, OK, I think I understand where your going with this- but this scene isn't being played out with 100 percent sincerity, right? I mean, don't you remember from Sunday school, Matthew 22:21 "Render unto Caesar's things which are Caesar's" So what do you care about all this debt, unless there is still some part of you that desires those things that belong to Caesar?

Gene: ... well, yeah. But does a house and a car belong to Caesar? It seems like I never have enough, like I'm being pulled under water, always gasping for air. I mean $7,000 a year for living expenses in NYC, c'mon, I'd rather deal drugs.

Director: ...what is this melodrama? You told me in your audition that these things didn't matter so long as you had your health, family, good food, freedom etc... Why the change now? Because you have to live your words? Even now as you are in the prime of youth, you're concerned with the future, why all the weight? Why when you have everything you need do you still worry and fret?

Gene: Because I could lose it at any moment. I see all the waste, lying, and bullshit around me (bailout, Long Island Railroad retirement disability scandal, the war), it doesn't seem fair and I'm afraid. It seems like it would be more efficient to lie, to cheat with a smile. It seems like that is what happens in the world, who am I to impose my notion of justice on it? I'm conflicted, festooned with doubts.

Director: I'm sorry, but have you read the script in its entirety? Right, I didn't think so. Hang in there, stay positive and maybe I won't kill you off :) Look, you are afraid. That is what this always boils down to. I see it in everyone. Fear. Your fear response is both your greatest asset and most obvious vulnerability. I will explain it to you and hopefully you will understand and move forward-
Your fear response is adaptive for the same reason that you are a strong chess player. It allows you to think ahead, apply the past, plan, and predict. With proper fear you successfully navigate your environment. When you preside over your fears, they can drive productive activity. Very healthy and adaptive right? Congratulations. BUT you, who are especially sensitive to fear, are also vulnerable if it mounts up, or if it is displaced onto something you can't control. You can't control what some asshole is going to do in the same way you can control a chess piece and it drives you nuts. In fact, your sense of fear is so hyperdeveloped as a result of disciplined scientific thinking, that the notion of letting go of them hits you as an obvious admission of denial - a notion toxic to your quest for truth. And here is where your particular fear has been compounded by today, triggered by the bailout, bankers, or other nonsense. You realize that if people were chess pieces the world would be a lot safer and easier to predict and control, and you also realize that there are a lot of people who have more power and money than you who suffer your same fear and have also realized this. So you fear that the actions of a few are leading to an impingement on your freedom and happiness. So your defense mechanism is to say give to Caesar what is Caesar, don't worry about money - but you still do not truly believe it-nope not in the same way you believe in gravity. That is why your scene is insincere. Well I have some good news and some bad news for you and the good news is the same as the bad- You are already a pawn. Don't kid yourself. But that is ok, because you have only one move - forward and this should paradoxically give you the freedom you desire. Move forward and pray you are not sacrificed for some larger cause, because yes you are right, there are in this world probably those individuals you fear. But do not get insincere by becoming all biblical about money unless you truly mean it - my sense is that you are just strapped, and if you had a vacation, more cash, or nicer living arrangements than your current cube your anxieties would be released, and this is a situation you can control.

Gene: oh... But can I still despise bankers?

Director: Yes, I insist on it. They all die in the next scene anyway. Ok lets go, take two...